Responding to "Blank Space"

Hi, All,

It's been awfully long since I posted at all. In fact, it's been exactly six months and seven days since I last posted. I apologize to my audience. Which happens to be no one. Ah, the pleasures of running a blog that no one will ever read. 

Let's see.... what happened while I wasn't posting? Well... the World Cup happened. In Brazil. And that was kinda crazy.... Um... oh! I know! Taylor Swift released a new album! And now she's loved by millions of young people all around the world. Yay Taylor Swift. And of course she broke another record.... I actually took a listen to this today. I know, shame. Shame. I could at least try to be in line with pop culture. I mean, she broke this super cool record! And now she's a legend! And when people look back to the 2010s, they'll say, "Remember Taylor Swift?" and kids will consider her a legend and classic like the Beatles (this scares me). All the old people will be singing at the top of their lungs "SHAKE IT OFF YEAH SHAKE IT OFF" and the kids will be like "Taylor Swift is so old, Grandma...."

Either way, I thought that 

a) I might as well post because why not and

b) "Blank Space" deserved a response.

Note that I make the essential assumption that Taylor is addressing me the whole time. Of course, opinions on this song can change when you assume different things about to whom the song is addressed. For the sake of this, I assume she is talking to me and me only.

So here we go:

(lyrics are in blue and bolded)

Nice to meet you

Nice to meet you also.
Where you been?

Excuse me, it's "Where have you been?" Didn't you learn any grammar at all when you were in school? And why do you want to know that? I haven't done anything suspicious at all. Stop being stalkerish. People don't appreciate nosy questions like that
I could show you incredible things

Like....? I've only known you for about three seconds right now....
Magic, madness, heaven, sin

Er... isn't that just normal life? What we're living every day?
Saw you there and I thought oh my god

What about me evokes such a spiritual call for help?
Look at that face, you look like my next mistake

....why would I be your next mistake? And what mistake exactly? What are you going to do to me? I am worried....
Love's a game, wanna play

Merriam-Webster defines love as "noun: a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person: attraction that includes sexual desire : the strong affection felt by people who have a romantic relationship : a person you love in a romantic way". I don't see there being anything whatsoever that states that love is a game. Whatever. And it's "want to", not "wanna". Gosh. And no, I don't want to play. 

New money, suit and tie

Why waste new money on a suit and tie when you could use it on important stuff like food? Unless you've got new money to waste. In which case, I say go ahead.
I can read you like a magazine

Nope. Don't see any words or pictures printed on me....
Ain't it funny rumors fly

Rumors are not physical beings and so therefore they cannot fly.
And I know you heard about me

No, in fact, I did not.
So hey, let's be friends

Do I want to be friends with you...?
I'm dying to see how this one ends

Which one? To what are you referring? I am so confused....
Grab your passport and my hand

Um... how about no?
I could make the bad guys good for a weekend

But that's not sufficient. You've got to make them good forever. Bad guys are bad.

So it's gonna be forever

What's going to be forever? Nothing is forever.
Or it's gonna go down in flames

What is going down in flames? Also, it could just as easily go up in flames. Or sideways in flames. Or diagonally in flames.
You can tell me when it's over

When what is over? Gosh, you're so confusing.
If the high was worth the pain

What high? Stop being so vague.
Got a long list of ex-lovers

Okay....
They'll tell you I'm insane

I'm starting to actually believe this...
Cause you know I love the players

What players? I had no idea. I still have no idea. What do you mean, players?
And you love the game

Stop assuming things. I don't love "the game".

Cause we're young and we're reckless

Stop making assumptions! Gosh....
We'll take this way too far 

I told you stop making assumptions! Don't count your chickens before they're fully hatched.
It'll leave you breathless

Then I'll be dead.
Or with a nasty scar

...why, exactly?
Got a long list of ex-lovers

That's quite nice.
They'll tell you I'm insane

Yup. I think so too.
But I got a blank space baby

Well, I don't.
And I'll write your name

Please don't. You don't even know my name. I haven't told you, have I?

Cherry lips

Lips are made of human organs and muscle and tissue, not cherries. Get your facts straight.
Crystal skies

Nope. Wrong again. Skies are made of air.
I could show you incredible things

Yeah, you've said this before. But you haven't shown me anything too incredible yet. Just your incredible stupidity... and your incredibly bad grammar.
Stolen kisses, pretty lies

Lies cannot be pretty. Lies are not objects to admire or judge by outer looks.
You're the king baby I'm your queen

Um... who told you that you could just do that? And I'm not king. Stop assuming.
Find out what you want

I want you to stop talking. Singing.
Be that girl for a month

Why? I like myself as I am. I don't want to be anyone else.
But the worst is yet to come

Oh no! Oh right, death! Death is to come! Ooh, scary....
Oh no

Oh, no!

Screaming, crying, perfect storms

Stop just saying random words without any context as to what the subject is.
I could make all the tables turn

How? Some tables are cemented to the ground. How do you make them turn?
Rose garden filled with thorns

Um... no duh. Roses have thorns....
Keep you second guessing like oh my god

Er... I don't second guess like "oh my god".
Who is she? I get drunk on jealousy

What do you mean, "Who is she?" I have no idea to whom you are referring. And it is impossible to get drunk on jealousy. Jealousy is not an alcoholic beverage.
But you'll come back each time you leave

Um... don't make assumptions. I'm really not liking it here.
Cause darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream

How can one be a nightmare? Also, how would one dress like a daydream?

So it's gonna be forever

What is going to be forever? You keep saying it's going to be forever... but what?
Or it's gonna go down in flames

Or up or sideways or twisty-turny or whatever. Not always down.
You can tell me when it's over

I can, but I probably won't. And when what is over?
If the high was worth the pain

What high? What pain?
Got a long list of ex-lovers

I wonder if there's a reason why they're all ex-lovers....
They'll tell you I'm insane

Yup. I'm sticking with them right now.
Cause you know I love the players

Well, I didn't but I guess now I do....
And you love the game

Nope. I don't. Don't tell me what to love.

Cause we're young and we're reckless

I don't think I'm reckless. You certainly seem so.
We'll take this way too far and leave you breathless

Take what way too far? This is a problem with you. And if was breathless, then I would be dead. Again. Do you really want to kill me? Although, I wouldn't be surprised if you did.
Or with a nasty scar

You never answered why I'd have a nasty scar. What did you do to me?
Got a long list of ex-lovers

Yes, we all know. Stop saying this already.
They'll tell you I'm insane

Yes, yes, YES WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU ARE INSANE
But I got a blank space baby

How can one have a blank space?
And I'll write your name

Please don't.

Boys only want love if it's torture

Er.... Um.... Assumptions much?
Don't say I didn't say I didn't warn you

I didn't say I didn't warn you. There. Happy?
Boys only want love if it's torture

Why? How? If what is torture? How can love be torture when love is supposed to be a pleasurable feeling? Unless you're implying that boys find torture pleasurable.... Now you're getting somewhere....
Don't say I didn't say I didn't warn you

Why can't I?
So it's gonna be forever

YES WE KNOW AND MY ISSUES ARE STILL THE SAME WHY WON'T YOU TELL US WHAT IS GOING TO BE FOREVER
Or it's gonna go down in flames

YES YES YES WHY???
You can tell me when it's over

No. I cannot.
If the high was worth the pain

Oh, of course I know what you're talking about. 
Got a long list of ex-lovers

Yes. I know this. Please stop.
They'll tell you I'm insane

You are insane. We all know this. Please stop.
Cause you know I love the players

You've said this five times now and I still don't have context.
And you love the game

NO I DON'T. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS? I DON'T LIKE THE GAME, WHATEVER THAT IS.

Cause we're young and we're reckless

Please shut up....
We'll take this way too far and leave you breathless

Of course....
Or with a nasty scar

Of course....
Got a long list of ex-lovers

Yes we've heard this six times already SHUT UP.
They'll tell you I'm insane

yes yes yes WE KNOW THIS please be quiet.
But I got a blank space baby

I still don't understand how you are in possession of a blank space.
And I'll write your name

Please do not. Is this Deathnote?

Source: http://www.directlyrics.com/taylor-swift-blank-spaces-lyrics.html

I suppose that's all for today. Make sure you're not as retarded as this person who wrote the lyrics.... 

Just kidding. 

Maybe....

-Me.

Edit: A friend of mine pointed out that I am starting with the assumption that Taylor Swift is talking to me, so there we go. I have added this before the song lyrics.