Responding to "Blank Space"

Hi, All,

It's been awfully long since I posted at all. In fact, it's been exactly six months and seven days since I last posted. I apologize to my audience. Which happens to be no one. Ah, the pleasures of running a blog that no one will ever read. 

Let's see.... what happened while I wasn't posting? Well... the World Cup happened. In Brazil. And that was kinda crazy.... Um... oh! I know! Taylor Swift released a new album! And now she's loved by millions of young people all around the world. Yay Taylor Swift. And of course she broke another record.... I actually took a listen to this today. I know, shame. Shame. I could at least try to be in line with pop culture. I mean, she broke this super cool record! And now she's a legend! And when people look back to the 2010s, they'll say, "Remember Taylor Swift?" and kids will consider her a legend and classic like the Beatles (this scares me). All the old people will be singing at the top of their lungs "SHAKE IT OFF YEAH SHAKE IT OFF" and the kids will be like "Taylor Swift is so old, Grandma...."

Either way, I thought that 

a) I might as well post because why not and

b) "Blank Space" deserved a response.

Note that I make the essential assumption that Taylor is addressing me the whole time. Of course, opinions on this song can change when you assume different things about to whom the song is addressed. For the sake of this, I assume she is talking to me and me only.

So here we go:

(lyrics are in blue and bolded)

Nice to meet you

Nice to meet you also.
Where you been?

Excuse me, it's "Where have you been?" Didn't you learn any grammar at all when you were in school? And why do you want to know that? I haven't done anything suspicious at all. Stop being stalkerish. People don't appreciate nosy questions like that
I could show you incredible things

Like....? I've only known you for about three seconds right now....
Magic, madness, heaven, sin

Er... isn't that just normal life? What we're living every day?
Saw you there and I thought oh my god

What about me evokes such a spiritual call for help?
Look at that face, you look like my next mistake

....why would I be your next mistake? And what mistake exactly? What are you going to do to me? I am worried....
Love's a game, wanna play

Merriam-Webster defines love as "noun: a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person: attraction that includes sexual desire : the strong affection felt by people who have a romantic relationship : a person you love in a romantic way". I don't see there being anything whatsoever that states that love is a game. Whatever. And it's "want to", not "wanna". Gosh. And no, I don't want to play. 

New money, suit and tie

Why waste new money on a suit and tie when you could use it on important stuff like food? Unless you've got new money to waste. In which case, I say go ahead.
I can read you like a magazine

Nope. Don't see any words or pictures printed on me....
Ain't it funny rumors fly

Rumors are not physical beings and so therefore they cannot fly.
And I know you heard about me

No, in fact, I did not.
So hey, let's be friends

Do I want to be friends with you...?
I'm dying to see how this one ends

Which one? To what are you referring? I am so confused....
Grab your passport and my hand

Um... how about no?
I could make the bad guys good for a weekend

But that's not sufficient. You've got to make them good forever. Bad guys are bad.

So it's gonna be forever

What's going to be forever? Nothing is forever.
Or it's gonna go down in flames

What is going down in flames? Also, it could just as easily go up in flames. Or sideways in flames. Or diagonally in flames.
You can tell me when it's over

When what is over? Gosh, you're so confusing.
If the high was worth the pain

What high? Stop being so vague.
Got a long list of ex-lovers

Okay....
They'll tell you I'm insane

I'm starting to actually believe this...
Cause you know I love the players

What players? I had no idea. I still have no idea. What do you mean, players?
And you love the game

Stop assuming things. I don't love "the game".

Cause we're young and we're reckless

Stop making assumptions! Gosh....
We'll take this way too far 

I told you stop making assumptions! Don't count your chickens before they're fully hatched.
It'll leave you breathless

Then I'll be dead.
Or with a nasty scar

...why, exactly?
Got a long list of ex-lovers

That's quite nice.
They'll tell you I'm insane

Yup. I think so too.
But I got a blank space baby

Well, I don't.
And I'll write your name

Please don't. You don't even know my name. I haven't told you, have I?

Cherry lips

Lips are made of human organs and muscle and tissue, not cherries. Get your facts straight.
Crystal skies

Nope. Wrong again. Skies are made of air.
I could show you incredible things

Yeah, you've said this before. But you haven't shown me anything too incredible yet. Just your incredible stupidity... and your incredibly bad grammar.
Stolen kisses, pretty lies

Lies cannot be pretty. Lies are not objects to admire or judge by outer looks.
You're the king baby I'm your queen

Um... who told you that you could just do that? And I'm not king. Stop assuming.
Find out what you want

I want you to stop talking. Singing.
Be that girl for a month

Why? I like myself as I am. I don't want to be anyone else.
But the worst is yet to come

Oh no! Oh right, death! Death is to come! Ooh, scary....
Oh no

Oh, no!

Screaming, crying, perfect storms

Stop just saying random words without any context as to what the subject is.
I could make all the tables turn

How? Some tables are cemented to the ground. How do you make them turn?
Rose garden filled with thorns

Um... no duh. Roses have thorns....
Keep you second guessing like oh my god

Er... I don't second guess like "oh my god".
Who is she? I get drunk on jealousy

What do you mean, "Who is she?" I have no idea to whom you are referring. And it is impossible to get drunk on jealousy. Jealousy is not an alcoholic beverage.
But you'll come back each time you leave

Um... don't make assumptions. I'm really not liking it here.
Cause darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream

How can one be a nightmare? Also, how would one dress like a daydream?

So it's gonna be forever

What is going to be forever? You keep saying it's going to be forever... but what?
Or it's gonna go down in flames

Or up or sideways or twisty-turny or whatever. Not always down.
You can tell me when it's over

I can, but I probably won't. And when what is over?
If the high was worth the pain

What high? What pain?
Got a long list of ex-lovers

I wonder if there's a reason why they're all ex-lovers....
They'll tell you I'm insane

Yup. I'm sticking with them right now.
Cause you know I love the players

Well, I didn't but I guess now I do....
And you love the game

Nope. I don't. Don't tell me what to love.

Cause we're young and we're reckless

I don't think I'm reckless. You certainly seem so.
We'll take this way too far and leave you breathless

Take what way too far? This is a problem with you. And if was breathless, then I would be dead. Again. Do you really want to kill me? Although, I wouldn't be surprised if you did.
Or with a nasty scar

You never answered why I'd have a nasty scar. What did you do to me?
Got a long list of ex-lovers

Yes, we all know. Stop saying this already.
They'll tell you I'm insane

Yes, yes, YES WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU ARE INSANE
But I got a blank space baby

How can one have a blank space?
And I'll write your name

Please don't.

Boys only want love if it's torture

Er.... Um.... Assumptions much?
Don't say I didn't say I didn't warn you

I didn't say I didn't warn you. There. Happy?
Boys only want love if it's torture

Why? How? If what is torture? How can love be torture when love is supposed to be a pleasurable feeling? Unless you're implying that boys find torture pleasurable.... Now you're getting somewhere....
Don't say I didn't say I didn't warn you

Why can't I?
So it's gonna be forever

YES WE KNOW AND MY ISSUES ARE STILL THE SAME WHY WON'T YOU TELL US WHAT IS GOING TO BE FOREVER
Or it's gonna go down in flames

YES YES YES WHY???
You can tell me when it's over

No. I cannot.
If the high was worth the pain

Oh, of course I know what you're talking about. 
Got a long list of ex-lovers

Yes. I know this. Please stop.
They'll tell you I'm insane

You are insane. We all know this. Please stop.
Cause you know I love the players

You've said this five times now and I still don't have context.
And you love the game

NO I DON'T. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS? I DON'T LIKE THE GAME, WHATEVER THAT IS.

Cause we're young and we're reckless

Please shut up....
We'll take this way too far and leave you breathless

Of course....
Or with a nasty scar

Of course....
Got a long list of ex-lovers

Yes we've heard this six times already SHUT UP.
They'll tell you I'm insane

yes yes yes WE KNOW THIS please be quiet.
But I got a blank space baby

I still don't understand how you are in possession of a blank space.
And I'll write your name

Please do not. Is this Deathnote?

Source: http://www.directlyrics.com/taylor-swift-blank-spaces-lyrics.html

I suppose that's all for today. Make sure you're not as retarded as this person who wrote the lyrics.... 

Just kidding. 

Maybe....

-Me.

Edit: A friend of mine pointed out that I am starting with the assumption that Taylor Swift is talking to me, so there we go. I have added this before the song lyrics.

A Filler Post... Since I Have Nothing Else About Which to Write

Hi, All (who only consists of about three people and robots).

I feel like I should write a post.

My friend just told me about this person: http://jon-lock.deviantart.com on deviantART. His drawings are really cool - I haven't really looked too much into depth, though.

I would put a picture of Chrome on here, but Google Chrome says, "Remember: Using others' images on the web without their permission may be bad manners, or worse, copyright infringement."

Here's a list of what to look at:
-Chrome
-Chrome's Little Bird
-Everything.

On another thought, Google Glass opened new spots for its Explorer program today. I am not rich enough to buy Google Glass.

Jon Lock has a tumblr. He also has a web shop. Buy his stuff. You can get a Twitter art print. Or a Chrome wall clock. Or a Tumblr onesie.

Here are random pictures of cookies:

Source: http://coffeeandesign.files.wordpress.com/2014/04/chocolate_chip_cookies.jpg

Karkat!

Source: http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111216151555/mspaintadventures/images/1/17/Karkat_Vantas.png

There we go. It is now long enough to be considered a decent blog post.

Good   bye.

         |

Look at that space.

The Nacirema

While surfing the internet the other day, I ran across an article about the North American groups called the Nacirema. I found the original article published in the American Anthropologist in 1956, called "Body Ritual among the Nacirema" by Horace Miner. 

Link: https://www.msu.edu/~jdowell/miner.html

Skimming through the article, I find the Nacirema to be a very strange people. They believe the human body to be ugly and to have diseases and disabilities if certain rituals are not followed. They follow secretive rituals every morning to rid the body of disease and even have special medicines prepared for each and every disease or disability that could happen. They even go to the extent of visiting a holy-mouth-man who will open holes in the Nacirema's teeth and fill them with paste believed to rid the mouth of disease. The medicine men of the Nacirema have a latipso where the sickest patients are treated. The patients are made to go through torment while they are being "treated," getting poked and prodded, having magic needles stuck into them, and being forced to eat substances that "heal" the subject. Many patients do not make it out of the latipso alive, but the Nacirema have faith in the medicine men. The Nacirema also go to "listeners," who listen to all of the patient's troubles and fears and somehow remove the devils in the minds that makes the Nacirema think bad thoughts. They have feasts and fasts to fatten and thin people, and procedures to alter the body shape if it is undesirable. 

I have heard of very many strange people, but these are the strangest. Following rituals to extinguish disease? Drilling holes in teeth and filling them with magical paste? Making sick patients go through torturous procedures and having a strong chance of not being cured? 

I suspect some kind of strange gene that all Nacirema people have that makes them think like that.

But then again, if aliens were to land on Earth and look at us, then they would probably think we were the weirdest people they had ever encountered. We even think many of our own kind strange - people who have fetishes, people who do or don't like a certain object, people who do strange things, often dangerous, etc.

The Nacirema may be strange people, but I think that the article is unjust in that it judges them as crazy people who may have mental issues.

They're Americans. 

Responding to "Say Something"

Lyrics from www.azlyrics.com

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Why? Why are you giving up?

I'll be the one, if you want me to

The one what? The one who makes all my meals and cleans my rooms? That would be nice.
Anywhere I would've followed you

Even to Antarctica? Or the moon? Or Neptune? Or the bathroom? Gosh, you're freaking me out...
Say something, I'm giving up on you

You still haven't said why you're giving up...

And I am feeling so small

Well, let's see. How tall are you? The average American woman is 5'4" and the average American man is 5'9". But then again, you might not be American. You might be German, like 6 of you are. I don't feel like looking up the average height of German women and men.
It was over my head

What? The football? Well, if you're short, then there is a good chance that unless you jump, the ball is going to go sailing above your head. Sorry. You just gotta get used to being small.
I know nothing at all

You definitely know how to write needy lyrics.

And I will stumble and fall

No! If you do, you might hurt yourself badly and die. Maybe you're needy, but don't die. You should be careful! If you fall on the stairs, then you'll be in big trouble... That happened to me once. My butt hurt for four days straight.
I'm still learning to love

That's okay. Everyone needs to learn. By learning, you won't lose more of those brain cells.
Just starting to crawl

Um... How old are you? I started crawling when I was 8 months old. I don't think you're 8 months old.

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Didn't your parents tell you that you should never give up? That giving up means that you're a loser? Can I call you loser now? Loser, loser, loser...

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

It may be a happy thing. I'm not sure if I would have liked you.
Anywhere I would've followed you

You stalker.
Say something, I'm giving up on you

You should have at least learned from The Little Engine That Could. You know? Never, never, never give up... No?

And I will swallow my pride

No chewing? It's not good to just swallow. You could choke. Unless you're swallowing pills. Those are terrible to chew. They taste really bad.
You're the one that I love

Okay.
And I'm saying goodbye

Why would you say goodbye if you love me? That's really stupid. Don't let your loved ones go away! 

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Something! Something! There! I said it! Are you satisfied!
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

Does it occur to you that both you and me are probably better off since you didn't get to me?
And anywhere I would've followed you (Oh-oh-oh-oh)

Stalker. And what's with the oh-oh-oh-ohs? Did some kind of revelation happen? Did you invent the next lightbulb? Did you come up with the greatest thing to happen ever after the invention of the smartphone?
Say something, I'm giving up on you

Something! Something! Just don't give up! Do you know how bad that is? It's going to become a habit. Then you'll fail at life and die thinking "I was an epic fail at life because I gave up."

Say something, I'm giving up on you

You really don't listen...
Say something...

Look at that. You're already dead. I told you.

Edit: After multiple complaints about how "Never, never, never give up" appeared in The Little Engine that Could before Thomas the Tank Engine, proper revisions have been made.

An Open Letter to "Let it Go"

Dear "Let it Go,"

You are a remarkable phenomenon that will probably be written in the history books of 21st century entertainment. You've reached #1 on the U.S. Billboard and surprisingly, the South Korean charts (Gaon). As of now, you've sold over 1,000,000 copies in the U.S. and 35,000 copies in Australia. You've been dubbed into 43 other dialects and languages worldwide. The movie in which you are featured, Frozen, has won a Golden Globe Award, five Annie awards, two Critics' Choice Awards (one of which is for you), Academy Award nominations, and tons more. Frozen is the nineteenth-highest grossing film (ever), the third-highest grossing animation film, the highest-grossing animated film in 2013, and the second-highest grossing film made by Walt Disney Animation Studios, behind The Lion King (an amazing movie). Frozen is so popular that there is a sing-along version of it where fans can sit in the audience and sing-along to you. Admit it. You're pretty amazing. Plus, Idina Menzel sings you. Idina Menzel is probably one of the best Broadway singers ever. If I could be in your place...

But I mean, I have some issues with your lyrics. I just can't... click with them. That was a bad word choice. I hope you don't get offended, but I just can't not write this after everyone that I know has sung it at one point or another.



The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
How does snow glow? There's nothing lighting it up. Especially if it's nighttime.
Not a footprint to be seen
If you turn around, then there will be.
A kingdom of isolation,
But you have the snow and the air and the sky and the cold for company.
And it looks like I’m the Queen.
I didn't see any signs that said "Elsa's the queen! All hail Elsa!". Just go and say "And I self-appoint myself Queen."

The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Inside where?
Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried
If you couldn't keep it in, how come it's still inside? Also, how do you know that heaven knows you tried? Heaven might not know.

Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
That's being rude. If you have guests, you should let them in and rest. Also, covering their eyes is rude. Your guests should be able to see.
Be the good girl you always have to be
Nothing says that you have to be a good girl. You could just as easily be a bad girl.
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Why would you conceal something and not feel something? Feeling and concealing have almost no correlation.
Well, now they know
That's good. It's not nice to keep secrets from people.

Let it go, let it go
No! Why would you let it go? Do you want to lose it? If you let things go, then you'll lose them! Why would you want to lose them? Don't you need them? For example, your glove. It's cold! Why would you just throw it away? It could serve lots of use! And your cape! Even if you think it's annoying, you could use it as a blanket. It's going to be awfully hard, sleeping on ice. Use your cape as a blanket, or a mattress. Don't just throw it away! If you're not careful, someone could be killed! Just imagine, a poor person standing in the cold and all of a sudden, they're smacked in the face by a glove or a cape! Would you want that to happen to you?
Can’t hold it back anymore
Oh, yes you can. Don't give up. A real warrior never quits. So I guess you're just a wimp.
Let it go, let it go
Again, you're losing valuable resources...
Turn away and slam the door
Didn't your parents tell you that it was rude to turn away and to slam doors? Turning away means that you disrespect people. Do you know how rude that is? And slamming doors makes lots of noise and expresses anger in a terribly rude way. Gosh, Elsa. Be kinder.

I don’t care
Well, I do.
What they’re going to say
I bet that in your heart of hearts, you do care.
Let the storm rage on,
No! It's cold! Why? Do you want to be cold? Storms can destroy people's houses!
The cold never bothered me anyway
But it bothered me. So hurry up and stop the storm.

It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
How is that funny? I find nothing humorous about that.
And the fears that once controlled me
You must be a weak person, to have fears control you.
Can’t get to me at all
That's awesome. What about the fears that didn't control you? Are you still afraid of falling off a cliff? How about being pushed off the tip of the mountain?

It’s time to see what I can do
You've been doing that all your life.
To test the limits and break through
Don't do that. That's too dangerous. If you break the limits, then you'll die. Do you want to die?
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
Everyone goes by at least one rule: Death.
I’m free
From what? From slavery? From the bird cage?

Let it go, let it go
I am fed up with you wanting to throw away all your belongings.
I am one with the wind and sky
What do we call you then? Sind? Wy? And how come you're still human?
Let it go, let it go
Elsa...
You’ll never see me cry
Oh, yeah? I can make you cry. Also, you cried when you thought Anna died. Look at that, you liar.

Here I stand
Yay. Thank you for telling us that you aren't sitting or sleeping.
And here I'll stay
Yay.
Let the storm rage on
Didn't I tell you that storms are bad?

My power flurries through the air into the ground
Yay. Fun.
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
Are you dead yet? Because if your soul is doing crazy stuff...
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
Are you okay? Things that are going on in your mind are freezing. I told you that shouldn't throw away your belongings... you're getting cold. And if you had stopped that storm... See what a liar you are? You are cold!
I’m never going back,
But you did.
The past is in the past
Yeah, no, duh.

Let it go, let it go
Sigh.
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
The break of dawn doesn't rise. The sun rises at the break of dawn. The break of dawn is a time period. Time periods don't rise.
Let it go, let it go
...  >_<
That perfect girl is gone
Perfection is unachievable. So is the state of nothing.

Here I stand
Again, we don't need to know that you aren't sitting.
In the light of day
Did you sing all throughout the night?
Let the storm rage on,
NO!!!!
The cold never bothered me anyway
Yes, it did, you liar.

Look at that. Doesn't she look like a liar?
Source: http://i2.wp.com/alt-world.com/altworld/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Elsa-Frozen.jpg?resize=640%2C401

From,
Me.

Red

Hi, All.


The last post was rather short. So I'm writing another one. This one is also short. Also, national holidays spark my creativity.

What's your favorite idea? Mine is being creative. How do you get that idea? I just try to think creatively. Now when you look at this orange, tell me please, what do you see? It's just a boring old orange! Maybe to you, but not to me. I see a silly face. Wow! Walking along and smiling at me. I don't see what you mean! 'Cause you're not thinking creatively! 

Right. Enough of that.


Today is Valentine's Day. Yay. Happy Valentine's Day and all that. Also, Happy Singles Awareness Day. You can read my previous post on that here.

Here is the first picture I get when I search "valentine's day" on Google Images:

Source: http://www.manhattanwithatwist.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/valentines-day-pictures.jpg

It says Happy Valentines. It is red. Note: that thing has really bad grammar. But the thing we want to focus on is that it is red.

Ah, red. Valentine's Day = red and pink. So, therefore, red is the color of love. How exciting. Red is also the color of the heart. 

But red is also the color of war, anger, and blood. Love and war - two entirely different things. So does their being associated with the same color mean something?

Maybe this is saying that love and war are like sisters. Or brothers. Or sister and brother. Or twins. War is caused by love: love for your own point of view. And love doesn't escape without some kind of war - no relationship is entirely devoid of arguments. 

Or maybe I'm just reading into this too much. Some things aren't made to be deeply analyzed with the intention of finding how it is somehow a metaphor for life and death. Sometimes, red is red, blue is blue, and green is not a creative color. 

Source: http://drawception.com/pub/panels/2012/6-21/FTghEZLdkq-2.png

P. S. Help me. My friends are slowly dragging me into the insert confusing word here that is Don't Hug Me I'm Scared.



Note: Red also symbolizes communism and the Russian Revolution. Hmm...

Singles Awareness Day

Hi, all.

Valentine's Day is coming up. I thought about drawing a comic to illustrate how Valentine's Day originated, but I realized that I did that for my fifth grade Valentine's Day cards. 

I was kind of stuck.

Until I discovered Singles Awareness Day.

According to Wikipedia, Singles Awareness Day "is a humorous holiday, celebrated on February 14 (although some prefer the 13th or the 15th to get away from the commercialism associated with the 14th). It serves as an alternative to Valentine's Day for people who are single, that is, not involved in a romantic relationship. Some people who observe S.A.D. do so out of spite for Valentine's Day, as a Hallmark holiday, or for other reasons."

I have decided that from now on, I will celebrate Singles Awareness Day.


I mean, let's face it. Us singles deserve it. Valentine's Day celebrates the state of being in a relationship, but really, in these modern times, kids and teens are just throwing themselves into "relationships" and then breaking up 2 weeks later. So why not celebrate the people who aren't stupid enough to just have a relationship for the "fun" of it?

Come on, give them a big round of applause.

I'm not saying that the people who are in serious relationships did something bad. That's what Valentine's Day is for - to commend them for not getting in a relationship just for the "fun" of it.

Did you know that in some other countries, they have Children's Day along with the typical Mother's Day, Father's Day, and Grandparents' Day?

This is true equality. This is celebrating everyone: kids, moms, dad, and grandparents alike.

But here in the U.S., we're stuck with celebrating only adults and those who are in love.


Hi there! Did you forget about us! Us singles are important people, too! Issac Newton never married! Thomas Edison's first patent for the electric vote recorder was granted at age 22, before he married!

I think we deserve a holiday, too.

I made this pretty bad picture for the holiday. Look at all the confetti and then that mutated orange thing.

A poem:


While
everyone
is celebrating
Valentine's Day,
I say
What about the
singles?
Did you forget
about them, too?


Happy Singles' Awareness Day!

(Well, not really. It's days early. Whatever.)

Why I Hate Girl Scout Cookies.

Hi.

I hate Girl Scout Cookies.

Now, don't get me wrong here. Girl Scout cookies taste amazing. Of course they do. They have sugar. But, personally, I just can't stand that time of year when the Girl Scouts start busting out their order sheets and start storming the neighborhoods, the schools, and the work areas.

Look at the poor girl!
Source: http://files.schuminweb.com/journal/2012/full-size/girl-scout-cookie-sale.jpg

As some of you can guess, I am a Girl Scout.

I remember distinctly as a brownie, wearing my oh-so-cute little brown vest and walking around the neighborhood with my mom, ringing doorbells and accepting rejections with a sad little frown.

I was a shy girl. I still am.

But what sticks in my mind after all these years are four things:

1) The feeling of disappointment and shame when I was rejected more than five times in a row

2) The feeling of disappointment when my parents rejected my request to have them sell my cookies for me

3) The feeling of shame when I heard the 3-figure sales the other girls in my troop were getting

4) That sense of dread when the next cookie season came


The most cookies I ever sold in a year was around 60 boxes. About 20 of those were from my parents.

It seemed that everyone had little daughters or nieces or friends who had already sold to them. Or everyone thought that cookies were evil.

Evil cookies hate you.
Source: http://healthyfoodietales.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/evilcookiehate128623606813138417.jpg

I would hear stories from my fellow Girl Scout troop members of how they got their mom to bring in the sheet and sell 100 boxes in a day. I would relate those stories to my parents, and I would get a stern, "Those girls are cheating. You are not a cheater. Don't make your parents do all the work. You have to do all the work."
Back then, my eight-year-old mind only heard "You have to do all the work."

I tried. Really, I did. But after stopping by about 20 houses and hearing only "No thank you"s, I felt bad. At night I would tell myself, Look at all your friends! They have people skills. How come they sell that many boxes? Look at them, getting all the stuffed animals and water bottles and t-shirts and necklaces and watches and beach towels and then look at you, who can't even earn the stupid participation patch. What kind of a person are you, anyway? You're going to fail at life and live in a ratty shack and starve and die.

I was a very happy child.

I still tell myself these things. I still can't bring myself to keep going after those 20 houses have failed. I always feel envy at the girls whose parents bring the sheet to work and carry home the filled out sheet, like Veruca Salt's dad in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, bringing home that Golden Ticket.

Part of the problem with my lack of cookie-sales was attributed to my lack of self-confidence and people's fear of evil cookies. But a major difference, especially earlier when I was young, was the parents doing the work for the kids.

There are over 2 million girls doing Girl Scouts in the USA. There are about 313.9 million people living in the USA. Girl Scouts is pretty overrated, in my opinion. It's just one of those things that all girls do, like playing in the local AYSO for a year or two. Girl Scouts is supposed to teach you essential life skills. All it's taught me is that my life would be so much easier in February if Girl Scout Cookies didn't exist. Also how to knit. But that I forgot after a month.

But, let's just say that girls really do learn "essential life skills" by selling cookies. Do they really learn those skills when parents just take the form and do a lot of the work? This is really equivalent to parents doing the homework for the child. I have nothing against the parent supporting the Girl Scout when selling the cookies by helping prepare the sales pitch or something else. But parents selling it for the kids? That's giving them the wrong impression, cause if "relying on your parents until they die" is an essential life skill, then I think the next generation of girls will be rather helpless.

In a way, I feel envious that those girls sell so much. In another way, I really wonder whether Girl Scouts as a program should be held to this kind of level.

I could write more, but my thoughts are so jumbled that if I tried to make any more points, this blog post would go on my wall of shame.



So I hope you get my point. If you don't, there are tons more articles out there about this same topic that are better written. Go read those.



It's mid-January right now, and the 2014 Girl Scout cookie selling season is coming up. This time, I think I'll be lucky if I sell 10 boxes around the neighborhood. And I'll be spending my nights in bed, thinking about those lucky girls whose parents are giving them such an "essential life skill."


Let's just hope the evil cookie has chosen to follow some other unfortunate Girl Scout this year.