Last Minute Christmas Gifts

Hi.

For those of you who don't have a Christmas gift this year, I've compiled a list of easy, quick, low-cost Christmas gifts that you can give to anyone.

Well, maybe not anyone.

1) Non-Edible Cereal Bracelet:

Take a piece of string (or wire or pipe cleaner or whatever you happen to have on hand) and dunk it in a bowl of liquid glue. Take your cereal and crush it up into tiny crumbs. Put that in a bowl. Take your glue-covered string or similar and coat with cereal crumbs. Tie the ends together. Or glue. Or weld. Leave to dry.

Takes so little time out of your life, you'll wonder why you didn't do this every year.

2) A Bottle of Apple Juice

Take any bottle you have lying around (or you could use the apple juice bottle). Fill it with apple juice. Decorate. (Here's the part where you could either go all out and spray paint it and cover it with gems, or just tear off the tag and be done with it.)

Takes time, but the amount of times your receivee (is that even a word?) will use the bottle overcomes that. By a lot.

3) A Heartfelt Card

Get a scrap piece of paper. Write "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I'm so glad you survived." If you don't have room for that, just write "U = :)" They'll get the message, either way.

Takes almost no time at all. You could even decorate it a little. But it looks more homemade when not decorated.

4) Personalized Pillow Case

Take a pillow case (or bed sheet or blanket or towel or whatever) and lay it flat on some surface. Take a marker or something similar and draw whatever you want. You could draw a rubbish Santa or write "I hope you raise my pay!!! :) :) :)." My suggestion: "Before you go to sleep, have you: 1. Taken out the trash?   2. Done your homework?   3. Brushed your teeth?    4. Practiced piano?    5. Sang your sister a lullaby? (Even if she's already asleep, you have to do this!)    6. Packed your backpack?        7. Done all of my chores?"
Variations can be made for different people.

Takes lots of time. May not be worth the effort.

5) Personalized Diary

Get a lot of paper. Staple it together. Glue on a huge sheet of paper to act as a cover. Write "DIARY" across it. If you want to make more effort than is worth it, take a little strip of paper and glue only both ends down. Take another strip of paper and glue one end on the back. Make sure the strip is long enough so that the person can stick it in the little paper-lock-latch-belt loop-thing.

Takes too much time. You might be better using your glue to make Non-Edible Cereal Bracelets.

6) Collage Card. Colla-ard. Colard. Clard.

Gather old magazine and newspapers. Come on. You know you have them stuck under your bed... Think of a message. Maybe it could be "I can be a better Santa that Macy's says I can." Or it could be "Helpful Hint: Never keep a bearshark as a pet." Get all the letters and cut them out. Glue them on a piece of paper. You could also tape them.

Takes as much time as it does to do your homework. You might as well do your homework instead and feel good for doing it.

7) Epic Macaroni Picture

Take uncooked pasta of at least 2 colors and decide what image you want to make (HAPPY HOLIDAYS, a representation of their face as a duck, a vase of wilted flowers, a polar bear in a snowstorm, etc). Choose one color as your background color. Set those pastas aside. Using the remaining colored pastas, create the image your want to on a sheet of paper, gluing them on. Or taping, if you want them to fall off after a week. Use the background pasta and fill in the gaps. If you're really rich, you can even buy a frame and stick it in there.

Not worth it at all. If you do this, you're a pretty stupid moron to come looking for easy quick Christmas gifts and doing this.



If you have money to waste, here's some awesome gifts to give someone:

1) An island

It's impossible to believe that you got an island for Christmas. You'll have about a year or two to actually buy the island while the person freaks out. It'll put you in debt, but so what? You had money to waste, and you wasted it.

2) A New House

You get about a month or two of grace period to actually buy the house. Great choice if you're really not going to get anything, because you can use the excuse "The seller didn't accept my asking price." If you're lucky, the person won't even understand what that was, and you can waste all that money on yourself.

3) A Cow. Or Pig. Or Goat.

Donate to Heifer International in their name. Buy a cow. Or a pig. Or a goat. Make sure that the person you donate in name of really hates animals.

4) A Time Machine

Tell them you got them a time machine. When they ask you where you got it, say that it's top-secret government information, but they're actually working on a real time machine and that you already bought it. Just don't tell them that it might take a hundred years before it's ready.

5) Socks

Buy them socks. Fuzzy socks. Fun socks. White socks. Black socks. Manga socks. Barney socks. Knee-high socks. Socks that look like shoes. Buy enough to fill at least at 2 foot by 3 foot by 4 foot box and send it to them. They'll never have to buy socks again!


Enough with the fun.

Really, the best holiday gift is from the heart. So if you think they need socks or apple juice, go ahead and buy them that. But at this point, you still have time, so think about what they need and what they want and give them that. Show them what you really think (Except if you hate them. If you hate them, use my amazingly awesome easy, quick, low-cost gifts and they'll think you actually love them.).




Bye!




P.S. Here's an awesome Christmas gift, by the way:

Source: http://img0.etsystatic.com/039/0/8258701/il_340x270.519250244_3bxz.jpg

The Life of a Cloud

If a cloud could think, what would it think?

And then there are those of you who are saying, "But clouds don't think." Yeah. The word "if" makes a huge difference.

Would it be like Woah I'm a cloud or would it be like I wonder what those little stick things that walk on two sticks think of me. (To answer that question, hypothetical thinking cloud, we think you guys look like bicycles. And popsicles. And unicorns. And rocket ships. And our really mean fifth grade teacher.)

Would the clouds be actually intelligent in the way they thought thoughts, or would they just be like I'm a cloud. I'm a cloud. I'm a cloud. I'm a cloud. Would they even know they were clouds?

Maybe there would be a cloud language that clouds would invent so that clouds could speak their own language. They would have conversations in their language and write by changing their shape to also communicate with other clouds. Each blob would have its own meaning and depending on whether the blob had a lump on one side or the other, or how big the lump was, they could make different words and ideas.

Maybe the clouds would have their own religion where the Moon would be god and the Sun would be goddess and all other things would be decided by the Moon and Sun. They would worship the gods by creating special cloud dances to celebrate and honor them.

Maybe they would live in "cloud clusters" where there would be groups of clouds in social class systems. The bigger clouds would be the old, wise clouds and the smaller ones would be the young, immature clouds.

Would there even be "cloud death?" How would a cloud die? What would the clouds do to commemorate the clouds' death?

Maybe the clouds died by raining - the Moon releasing the cloud's soul from this airy (ha ha, get it, airy?) life - and the afterlife was spent with the tiny little specks on the Earth's surface until the clouds could rise again as young baby clouds. Whenever the Moon and Sun felt like it, maybe they would release the souls of many clouds, and all the rest of the clouds would be silent and grey and mourn. Maybe a telltale sign of soul-releasing would be the clouds getting heavier - a sign that the Earth was pulling the soul towards it.

Would they think the Earth was good or bad? Would they think that birth as a new cloud meant escape from the evil Earth, or would they consider it that the cloud still had to do more good before experiencing the blessed Earth?



But then again, clouds don't think and so they don't have cool cloud languages and "cloud clusters" and awesome cloud religions and cloud death and soul-releasing.


Stupid science, always ruining my dreams.

Do Whales Have Relationships?

Last night, my brother was reading a book about whales, and came across the concept of how whales migrate to find food or to mate. He asked the babysitter (as he's learned not to mess with me when I'm doing homework) what “mating” meant. The babysitter replied, “It's like when whales find a boyfriend or a girlfriend.” (I think she was trying to avoid explaining that whales mate to make babies.) Now, the book provides the “kiddie” definition for “mate” right there: “MATE: Either a male or female in a pair. Most animals need a mate to have babies.” But apparently, everything is understood more easily when put into everyday-human-life-context, so there you have it. Whales have boyfriends/girlfriends.

Now, I was doing homework upstairs and I heard the babysitter. I was tempted to go and shout that whales don't have boyfriends or girlfriends, but then I was stopped by the thought that maybe whales really do have boyfriends or girlfriends; we just don't know.

And now a break for a disclaimer: (fancy music plays)

Disclaimer: I'm not a scientist, I didn't research any science while writing this post, and it is probably totally inaccurate. I am sorry.

And back to the post: (fancy music plays and ends with a flourish)

Let's go back to why humans have girlfriends and boyfriends. According to my knowledge (YA books), the answer is love. Love. Ah, love. And as they say, it's love (or cheese) that makes the world go round. But that was in a song written by humans, specifically for young humans of the female gender (a.k.a. Girl Scouts). They would know about love in humans. But is it just humans' love that makes the world go round, or do other animals' love also make the world go round?

This brings us back the question of whether whales have boyfriends or girlfriends, which really is “Do whales feel love (in the romantic sense) towards other whales who are not their children or parents?”

Truthfully?

I don't know.

And I wouldn't care to know.

I mean, I really don't care about other species besides humans. (shocker!) Well, I guess I wouldn't want the polar bears to die out, but if someone had to die, and it was the polar bears or me, I'd choose the polar bears. (Sorry to all those polar bears lovers.) So I don't really care. Plus, as I stated, I'm not some kind of scientist in a position to tell you whether whales can be in romantic relationships. All I can do is sit on the bed and wonder: Do whales have boyfriends or girlfriends? Do whales feel love? Do other animals feel love?

Go on. Invite a whale to the bar for questioning. Have a beer. Or half a cup of apple juice.

It would make kind of a cool story idea.

Do you prefer beer or apple juice?

Source: http://www.ucmp.berkeley.edu/mammal/cetacea/whale_art.gif

Hi.

Random blog, random posts, random thoughts, and random cups of apple juice thrown in for fun. 

Enjoy!